Enjoy The Little Things is not just a Rule in Zombieland

You ever have one of those days?

 You get up and it seems like you can’t get it going, your hands don’t even work right, as you pour some coffee or juice and knock over something else on the counter,

now you have to clean that up and you are already late?  

Yeah? Those days suck. First let's put that in perspective.....

 

 Feel Better? No? Well here

See made you forget right?

 

 If you dwell on the bullshit it just rolls downhill. Step back and gather yourself, take a breath, look at the positives that may be coming down the pipe. Will it be that chick above? Probably not!  

Think about the next time you are on your own bike, soaring through the woods, kicking up dirt and having a good time.

 Or for the other side of this Blog, kicking back with some good friends or family trying a new Beer you have never had,

 or one better making a batch of your own “experimental Brew”

 A batch that you have never tried, with a few buddies while you bullshit about that shitty morning you had and wonder why you were so stressed out, when the road led to this great time.

My point? Hey there are parts of life that are going to suck, but that is what makes those other parts so much sweeter. I could have the worst week imaginable and it all melts away with an hour long ride through my favorite dirt paths. Now the math sucks on this, perhaps three shitty days at work or after the job, for one hour of complete two wheel (or two glass) Nirvana? Yes it is still worth the struggle.

 

 

Think about if all you had was time to drink and ride, this would be my ideal job by the way, but even then you are going to have bad days.

 

That is just life. The Yin and Yang, the black and white the good and bad of it all.

 

Then you may have to look for something other than making beer or riding your bike to get away from your ”grind” and let’s face it, not all of us have the independent wealth to step away and just ride our bikes, fuck I miss my childhood!

 

So take that couple of hours you can set yourself free and make the most of it. Ride your ass off (and in my case that is part of it, riding the beer calories off) stopping for a breath to talk to your friends or other riders about what you just experienced. Or that half a day brewing the perfect Stout with your friends,

 

 while talking about the good times the bad times and that one time you got so drunk you should not have been playing with fireworks but you did…Long story.

 And enjoy life. This Dude does..Hell I had to work hard when I had a Six pack, while all I had to do was sit in a Tattoo chair....

 

Life has a mean curve ball, sometimes a horrible switchback, or just gives you a shitty beer you have to drink. But if you don’t enjoy the little things in life (yes Rule #32 of Zombieland )

This life will pass you by without you getting a chance to make some great memories in between the shitty ones.

 

 Yes so I suppose Life is a Shit Sandwhich, but eat it with a smile...Can't?

Well then look forward to riding behind her....

 

Better? Now you get it...Look at the bright side..In this case it is her back side...

 

Remember Memories Take Time

 

As I walked into my garage and looked at my bike I felt sad. No not because I have an awesome Mountain Bike, But because I have not touched it in well over two months. Winter is coming! No not just a Game Of thrones reference, but a reality. The window is closing for me to get out on a few trails tear it up or even go on a nice ride with the wife (as she prefers not to tear it up but have a nice smooth ride for some exercise.

I pulled the Bike out of its little corner and just sat on it for a moment. Then had to get back to what I was doing knowing it would still be a little while till I could take my bike out and get the old blood flowing once again (preferably not through some body part after a crash)

I had not even looked too much at my monthly magazines. So as I got a little time to myself I caught up on the usual suspects, Bike and DirtRag, looking at the bikes I can’t afford (which is fine we can all dream) and more important reading the stories that got me pumped to get back out there.

So, I know I have written a lot about not being on my bike in this blog that is supposed to be me experiencing everything there is to experience on my bike. Call it bad luck, not enough time in the day, or just life getting in the way, but that is what makes those moments on the bike so memorable.  And all of the above excuses.

Sometimes you take away memories like a nice welt, bloody scab, or any other cut or bruise. Sometimes you take away the memory of getting over that hump (not necessarily an actual hump, but a hill you walked the last time, a jump you bit it on or a turn where you ended up on your ass in the woods.

Sometimes it is that perfect day for a ride, sunny no humidity, the bugs are not out in force. Maybe it is a hot crappy day but once you are in those woods it melts away as you pound the ground, under the cool canopy of the trees.  Or the time you spend with a loved one outside in the fresh air, getting a bit of exercise and experiencing it all together.

A bike is like anything else in life it is a means to an end. That end may be competition, it may be just to get your fat ass off the couch and get the heart going, it could be your means of living life to its fullest and accomplishing one new thing on this day you could not do the last time you rode. An Extra mile, a fancy jump or just getting to know some stranger who may only have one thing in common with you, riding their bike on the trail or paths closest to where you live.

I love riding my bike, I miss riding my bike, and I am going to get my butt out there, so I can tell you about my experiences as boring as they may be, riding my bike. Even this post you may not take too much away from it, but think about this. Every day we wish our lives away by wanting Monday to be Friday as soon as Monday starts. We all have busy lives, work is over, have to pick up the kids, their sports, teacher meetings, family events, you have to make dinner, the list goes on and on at the end of the day it is another day gone. Some of these things are worth it, my time with my wife and kids is very important to me and I would not give it back ever.  Make that time to go riding (or if you just stopped by this blog to check it out and don’t like riding a bike but like the outdoors GO OUTSIDE!) have your family go with you. My wife loves to ride. She enjoys the paved trails and likes to see different areas we have not seen yet (not much different to how I see trying a new backwoods trail, she just prefers taking it in on a smooth dry, solid surface. But it still works out if you have followed me for any length of time you know I have written about how we ride together and she will let me hit the Mountain Bike trail for a little bit while she rides for a while with our one year old in tow only to meet back up and finish our ride together.  I love watching TV just like anyone, but I can tell you more about the feelings I have while enjoying those rides with the wife than just about anything else we do on the couch (get your mind out of the gutter this is not that kind of blog) I don’t need selfies, or pics, I have the memories in my mind. I still remember the first day last year we took out our new bikes and put the baby trailer on her bike. It was not exactly warm (relax the baby was in an all season trailer she was warmer than both of us) but the thrill of pedaling and talking about life with my wife, stopping to have a beer and a sandwich along the trail,  made that cold day all worth it, along with the Giggles coming from the baby trailer. Even if I never would have found my love of going off road, that day was worth the price of those bikes.  

In closing I want to say, I get it more than anyone. Life gets in the way, you get exhausted and just want to veg out (and there is nothing wrong with that, we all need that time once in a while) But make time, for yourself, for your family, for your bike. Or you can just do all three at once….Happy Trails

 

Anyone Want to Ride?

October Bottle Openers of The Month

SO I am a little behind on posts but now that I hve finished that pesky Half Marathon I want some fresh craft brews. And Being one of my favorite times of year (Halloween) I figured I would share Octobers Bottle openers of the month.

The Undead Zombie Skull Head Wall Mount Bottle Opener is about 20 bucks and makes a great conversation starter. This one is my pick, but again a bit pricey for a bottle opener. (Granted it is a wall mounted one) Some of us need an on the go type bottle opener....

So for about half the cost and portable our runner up is....

....still fun for this spookey time of year...The Bite Me Bottle Opener (By GAMAGO) is about ten bucks and really "bites" into that bottle cap. While hanging from your keychain

I kicked the Bucket....List Item of a Half Marathon

So the early morning hour of race day that would be  5:30 not my favorite time to jump out of bed to get ready for a long ass run,

I woke up had a couple of pieces of toast with Peanut butter and some juice. I stretched at home to get the legs at least a head start on the shock I was about to throw them into.

We got to downtown St Charles. The we in this story would be My wife, Two daughters and my Sister in Law, they were going on a nice 5k walk while I was about to come face to face with this dumb idea of a half marathon.

First stop (and those of you who are squeamish or do not like the poop talk skip to the next paragraph now, after the two Porta potty pics and the words Safe NOW)

 I waited in the long lines for the row of Porta pottys’s not my favorite place to drop my morning poop, even more so since I did not bring my nice wet wipes.

I waited in a line of mostly women and a few guys. I could have just as easily went to the tent labeled Men’s bathroom. Which consisted of urinals and no waiting. Since I was in line all knew I had to drop the brown shark. So the plus side as I approached the green closet of shit. All ladies in front of me, should be sprinkler dick free, or no piss all over the seats. The down side and the reality as I went in, and I will spare you the details of my trails here, when I exited, the poor woman who entered may have passed the hell out.

 Safe NOW

Anyway now that my system was clear and I felt a bit better I went to the start finish after my family saw me off. I was stuck in the 14 minute milers section as it was too crowded to get my ass up to the 10-11 Minute section.

That actually is me, I know you were expecting someone more handsome

 As I started the race I felt pretty good, breathing was steady, legs were working well, and the only problem was taking the sweatshirt I had and tossing it on the sidewalk. I passed a lot of people so I was feeling pretty good about myself. Made my first stop at the 2.5 mark grabbing a glass of water downing it and moving on. My goal was to get to the ten mile mark without walking a great deal (the water I don’t count because I really did not need a terrorist baptism at that moment and had to walk to drink.) I was really feeling pretty good, it was not a hot day and it was overcast (for most of the race) so the sun and heat never took a toll on me, it was all the run. 

 I got to about the eight mile mark, no I did not see Eminem out there. And I looked at my heart rate monitor and it went wacky, I was approaching a point with both water and that strange runners gel which I would never eat on a normal day, while not running a half marathon (or drink I guess, not sure it is a sludge like I have never had) So decided to fix the heart rate monitor while getting some fluids into my system. After adjusting the chest strap (which looked like I was adjusting a bra or a Bro (NO MANZIERE!) drinking my two cups of water and squeezing the gel into my mouth. I started my run again, so I kind of came up a little short on the run till mile ten, but I did not dwell on it as I still had a good 4-5 mile run left on the day.

 

 

I got going and going was a little slower pace as my body started to say, “Hey dickbag what are we doing here?” Also saw a few great signs along the course the best was a woman holding a sign and cheering, the sign read “You are doing great! It is all downhill from here!” then a man next to her had a sign with a big arrow pointing to the woman that said SHE IS A LIAR…..He was right.  I got to the ten mile mark and it was a bastard of a hill. Not extremely steep but long. I put my head down and started to climb it. Now the pain kicked in, it was harder to raise those legs, the breathing was a bit heavier, and I did what I never do while running I looked up the fucking hill.

It might as well of looked like this, because that is what it felt like....

 

 

 

 I was screwed! Only halfway I had to now walk the rest of the hill. I was really feeling the fatigue in every part of my body, but I could deal with that, it was the mental side I was trying to clear. While running I always need to be out of my own head and forget about what I am doing.  So as I reached the top of the hill I started running again. The push was on I had gone farther in a run than I had ever gone before. The 11 mile mark came and went and then I started a walk/run movement to get my ass to the damn finish line.

 As I approached the last mile marker I got a energy burst knowing this would all be over soon and also wishing I could just jump on my bike to finish it. I did come across another great sign that a little boy was holding it said touch here for power and it had a little POW spot…I ask him and his mom if I could just hug the sign the rest of the way…They laughed but did not give me the sign…..

One more twenty second walk and I put my head down and went for the finish. I came around the corner and could see the finish line, but a line that never seemed so far away.

As I got even closer every part of me wanted this race to be over with. My body was now telling me, “Hey fucker! You are in for some pain the next 48 hours” I saw my wife and kids cheering me on and it was just enough to give me that extra push I finished collected my medal (now normally I am of the opinion that if you do not win something, you should not get a medal, but in this case it is a race against yourself and although I got the same medal as the first place finisher, they also got cash…So I will take it!

Not me but that is what I felt like

 

I gathered myself and felt everything already starting to cramp. I grabbed a banana, and went to get my free beer. Now free beer is free beer, It was big box beer (which I thought kind of funny since right up the street is a pretty good brewery Trailhead. Apparently Budweiser wanted to get rid of a bunch of their shit diet beer Michelob Ultra. Then I realized hell it isn’t much different than water, but after a few drinks had to trash it…YUCK! We went out (To Trailhead Brewing company) to have some food and after sitting for a good forty minutes I was completely cramped up (my body telling me, “Yep! You screwed up buddy, and I am going to let you have it”) All in all I am happy I did it. So I can say hey, I did it! But I have no plans for another Half marathon or a full one for that matter, the idea of doubling what I did there is as appealing as punching myself in the dick for two and a half hours, which is a Segway to my finish time 2 hours 29 Minutes and 29 Seconds. That is 30 seconds under my original goal time. Well I hope to get back on the trails, drink some more REAL beer and have some more posts for you people soon…So stay tuned

 

My Oldest Daughter and me

The 13.1 Torture Test...Or my Dumb Idea of a Bucket List Item

Okay I have been hesitant to post lately because of getting ready for my first half marathon

 

 and not having much to do with making beer or riding my bike (who is getting very lonely in my garage and will probably buck me off the first hill I hit on my next ride)

Not me, but you get the point

 

So in the search of knocking off a bucket list item and keeping fit and trim, if keeping fit and trim means I eat the garbage I want and love to drink some nice cold beers, I am in great shape, I am on the final week leading up to my Half Marathon.

Now I am not a really fat man in the average hieght and weight standards of our country, but on the other side I am not a thin man if you stand me next to your standard Marathon runner or Kenyan (which is the same thing, one winning 90% of the races they run in)

In this case I feel like this dude

 

 

But I can run pretty well for a 41 year old Ex smoker who only started this whole running thing after quiting the Smoking habit and blowing up like a wood tick. (yes I did get a bit pudgy)

Again Not me but funny

 

 

So I have worked my way from two tenths of a mile to my greatest run just under ten miles and now 13.1 string me right in my stupid face. I mean stupid because as this is now 48 hours away, I am thinking how fucking stupid are you? Anyway!

In the attempt to run this this, I had put down the bike (although in the initial stages it was a very helpful item see How my bike is helping me train) and concentrate on building mileage for this idiotic endeavor. As I started this pursuit I was running about 3-5 miles a few times a week. I put myself on a program running two to three times a week 3-4 miles, as at least two of these days were at the gym during fuck awful hours of about 5 am I had neither the time (had to get ready for work and did not want to wake up at 3 am, or the patients to run like a hamster in the same place for more than 30-45 minutes. So one day a week I would hit the road to try and extend the mileage, while those days I would try and go shorter and run a bit faster. Then one day a week I would go 5, then 6, then 7 Miles trying to see where I was at. Some days felt great, If I can get out of my head like I do with my Mountain biking, I forget about what I am doing and just run. Other days I look up, think about the miles, think about my running shorts giving me a wedgie, or just the chaffing that goes on running that far. Then the weekend I was supposed to hit the 9 mile mark I got this fucking cold that knocked me on my ass. After a few days of the, to Quote Dennis Leary, Big N small y Big Fucking Q, Claritin and Dayquil. I rebounded did a few short jogs and went out to try and keep my schedule and hit the 10 mile mark. Well fuck if it did not start out well, I was cruising thinking I can accomplish this dumb ass idea of running 13.1. Then around 6 and half miles of hills I freaked I could not get out of my own head I had slowed to a good 11 minute mile and by the time I looked up one more hill around 7.5 miles I fucking quit. Well that sucked. That was one week away from my Half Marathon. So I sit at this moment with a day or so left of some short runs, just to keep my legs going and three days of rest before dragging my ass out of bed to try and run the 13.1. Will I finish, Yes since the company I work for gives me part of my entry fee back for finishing, if I have to crawl across that fucking line I will make it.

 

 

But the goal is to run the first 10 before I walk any (other than water stations you could drown trying to jog with those cups) Once I complete this bastard

What I will feel I look Like

 

What I will actually Look Like

 

 

I have told my wife if I ever come up with a marathon type Bucket list item other than the Bucket of ice cold beer challenge, say “What the hell are you thinking stupid” well I guess the Tour Divide is not happening anytime soon for me........

 

  Check back next week see if I made it under 2 and half hours, died along the route, or crawled across the finish to a glass of cold beer.